Memory Traveling

Time travel. It's a deep term, with huge meaning, and it brings a lot of benefit to human race if it is possible. Imagine that you could travel back in time to stop the world wars, what would happen to the present? Perhaps Adolf Hitler would be a nobody, and there won't be nuclear detonations in Japan. It is a beautiful dream, isn't it? But since we haven't successfully invented a time machine, so this remains quite impossible to reach.

Have you heard of memory traveling?

Whether has anyone experienced this, I have no idea, but I did. It was kind of a soul's encounter. Whenever i went visiting some places I've been there before, I could see flashes of memories I have there. For example, I saw my tracks in the school where i used to study, seeing them flashing over my window of soul, in a form of a faded shadow. All these happens in my head.

It feels like time traveling, just it's not in a time line we're traveling in, but in our own memory. It helps us to review the decisions we made in the past, having a chance to correct what we've done wrong, or to remorse for some faults we've previously did.

I thank God for giving me a ticket to this adventure. He gave me a chance to correct my wrong. Even God is telling me to study. Personally I thinkthese journeys are a great way of checking my own growth status. It reflects how much I've grown up spiritually.

Now, I would like to enclose a short story regarding to Sunday's Whole Heart P&W team.

I felt tired recently, for my services. Sad, because I caused the teens to fear me for my strictness. Sad, because I felt that I sacrificed more that I have for result, as they don't appreciate it. Personally I think I'm not strict enough, I'm considered a lot milder that the organizations they have in their school already. It's just they've never experienced that kind of tense sensation, they've been pampered by their family and friends, that's why they could not accept my words. But then. peoples are leaving the team, what should I do? Should I just ignore, keep on with an iron grip? Or should i pamper them as their friends did? My own opinion is, if you're eager to learn more, to grow up, to evolve, to be better, you won't complain about the strictness of the tutor. The stricter the better. Those complaining about strictness of the tutor are those who were satisfied with their current possessions, and does not want to get better. They're comfortable with what they have now. They don't want anything else.

I felt so sad when i found out about these. Frankly speaking, I do care about how people look upon me. Of course, I understand that it's hard to satisfy the world, but...... I need guidance, Lord, a direction where i could go.Plan A is going to be held down for a while now, until next year, due to the choir practices that's going to start soon. This is partly God's arrangement, so I dare not complain. Since choir practices are being tutored by me, i don't think it makes such a difference, vocal lessons can still be taught in choir practices.

One more thing, I was thinking of starting a P&W cell group, which was already on the run, thanks to Luke, and I'm recruiting only those who were willing to keep their distance close to God, willing to sacrifice for Jesus. The whole thing would be like a cell group, with sharing and such, combined with band practices.

Luke had been my faithful companion and half a tutor, to these i owe him a gratitude, may God bless him always, and lastly, may Glory be the Lord Jesus.

A Time-Travelling Journey

7th-oct-09

Today is the third day of my new start. I thought i would bumped into some of my old friends, but, it was proven to be dreams. My Tennis tutor stopped his studies and goes for work in Ipoh. All my college buddies are almost scattered, i don't know where to find them. I thought some of them would share a class with me. I saw some of my old friends yesterday, in a class. It gives me great relief when i saw some of the familiar faces among thousands of new ones. I went to school canteen today, for lunch. To my surprise, the canteen crews have been changed. There's a pretty girl sitting on the cashier seat along with her boy-friend holding her hands all the time instead of an energetic woman whom i was familiar with.

Yesterday i went tot my class, and i saw a lot of new students, juniors, they were chatting among themselves in the class. I felt so lonely since i had no one to chat with. I'm that kind of guys who's not so easy to make friends with peoples. So i just sat there, alone in the midst of a crowd.

It makes me understand that I'm not coming back to the past. This place might have a place in my past, but now i'm not in that time-frame anymore. The world travels when i was still weeping about my longing to the past. I came back to a town that i've been here before, but in different time-frame. The buildings may seems old, but everything else is new. It's time to move on, before i'm too late for the last trip of the time traveling train.

巨蟹座

　　巨蟹是心軟的，容易被感動，即使表面看起來總是有一副硬硬的殼，但那殼子底下是一顆柔軟敏感到極至的內 心。它們面對一份感情是猶豫再三的，不要說它們懦弱，它們只是明白自己是容易受傷的。他們對感情抱有信仰，相信純真、相信天長地久，所以有時是挑剔的。　 　這是一層表面堅硬的殼，其實攻克輕而易舉，因為蟹蟹有一顆柔軟的心。　　蟹蟹戀愛了，這時的它們變的很粘人，很婆媽，因為你是它的中心，它會為你考慮很 多，飯吃了嗎？天氣會變了嗎？記得帶傘哦！路上車多，慢點走哦！……..諸如此類！　　蟹蟹是深情而癡情的，愛上一個人會愛的很深，即使明知道沒有結果也 很難自拔。這是巨蟹的一種固執，想要得到的東西，往往不會輕易放手。有時，一段沒有結果的戀情會成為蟹蟹的生活重心。這無疑是痛苦的，但又難以自拔。然 而，巨蟹的不安全感又在內心大叫著放棄，所以這時的蟹蟹總是在堅持和放棄的巨大矛盾中苦苦煎熬著。學會放棄是蟹蟹的一門功課.　　當然，如果蟹蟹真的決定 放棄了，它的堅決會讓所有人吃驚。　　　　要記住：除了你自己，沒有人可以傷害到你　　蟹子是癡情的，但又不善於表達，面對自己心愛的人拘謹、放不開。它 們的幽默感此刻變得生澀。　　蟹子是深情的，但又不善於把握，為什麼一次次控制不住自己的情緒，說出明知不該講的話？　　分裂而善於幻想的寄居蟹在說巨蟹 之前，先說說幾個一直以來欣賞的幾個偶像，他們都不同，但他們有一個共同點，就是，他們都是巨蟹男。周星馳，王家衛，羅大佑，李宗盛，梁朝偉，張學友…… 一般在每次排行榜中總是靠末的巨蟹們，看起來並沒有很明顯的個性，但是，他們在藝術方面的直覺和敏銳卻是別人難以匹敵，從這幾個人名裡就不難看出。他們在 生活中都是溫文爾雅的，被動的，甚至往往是沉默的，但是在他們的電影，歌曲中，卻展露出令人驚異的才華，讓我們總是不由自主的為之傾倒。當周星馳讓我們笑 得淚水橫流的時候，我們也早聽聞其實戲外的他認真嚴肅，不苟言笑，對待朋友和情人都很苛刻；我們知道在戲裡演什麼都神形畢似的影帝梁朝偉同性格南轅北轍的 射手劉嘉玲20多年同居，至今都不願結婚，他總是說，其實他的人生就是在戲裡；我們知道張學友出道前曾經是黑社會的小混混，天天宿醉，自暴自棄，也看到張 學友成名後依然為了家庭拚命打拼，幾近崩潰……　　這就是巨蟹，其實，最能說明巨蟹特質的，就是－－分裂無論是哪一種蟹，他們都有著分裂的思想。他們渴望 安定，也渴望出人頭地，他們內心充滿藝術的靈感，誇張的幻象，但是在現實生活中，他們總是低眉順眼，很難真正展露心中的狂想。所以在藝術的舞台上，他們反 而得以施展，讓心中奇異的狂想放大到極致，他們可以將任何一首歌一個角色演繹的入木三分，所有來自於生活中被動的接受，在藝術的殿堂上得到了最好的宣洩， 所以巨蟹真的應該屬於舞台。即使沒有好的歌喉沒有好的外形，但是他們有良好的感受力和表現力，他們的性格實際上更像是一隻寄居蟹，在真正自我的生活中，他 們常常將自己包裹的很緊，但在詮釋和演繹別人的時候，他們那內心的感情得到了釋放。　　巨蟹座的另一個長處是他們有著哲學的思考力世界因兩股力量相互消 長，而水象就是典型的陰柔之力。水象星座的人有一種天生的宇宙觀，巨蟹也是如此，加之他們天生有母愛的情結，所以他們的思考往往帶有著人性化的關懷。所以 從事與藝術相關的行業的巨蟹，無論如何都可以算是幸運的巨蟹，因為能夠得以發揮天然的性格所長。但是不是每個巨蟹都有這樣的機會，所以大多數巨蟹都會感到 自己的壓抑和痛苦。他們不是沒有渴望，相反他們需求很多，渴望很多，但是他們總是躲在自己的殼裡做著各式各樣的幻夢，只是在想，很少實施。所以如果你看到 的總是低眉順眼的巨蟹實際上並不是真正的巨蟹。那只是巨蟹的一個假象。　　永遠無法抹去的自卑巨蟹們其實是自我感覺很好的心高氣傲的一群人，但是卻又難以 克服時時刻刻想躲進殼裡的自卑感。他們天生多疑和敏感，碰到困難，就先躲進殼裡，自欺欺人，在夢中編織自我的安全感，而從來沒有想到如何主動將危機轉化為 機遇。他們對待困難的消極方式，使他們總很難真正木秀於林，他們總在捕捉他們認為最好的時機，但是那個時機卻總是無法到來，其實世間哪有萬全之策？當蟹蟹 們艱苦的自我互博之時，大好時機已經失去。但是要改變這種天生的自卑感確乎很難，蟹蟹們幾乎完全不由自主。　　懷舊是巨蟹們的人生主旋律巨蟹們非常懷舊。 他們喜歡舊東西，懷戀舊感情，對家庭有著天然的眷戀。泛黃的相片，褪色的絲帶，塵封的梳妝台……所有一切帶有浪漫情調的舊物，都可以讓他們獨自神傷，黯然 追想，他們總是沉浸在過去的回憶裡，永遠記得年少時的孤寂敏感，永遠記得初戀情人，多年後仍然四處找尋初戀情人的消息，慰籍多年來始終保持新鮮的記憶。所 以王家衛的電影總喜歡用這樣的句式開頭：多年以後……　　忽冷忽熱患得患失的愛情他們天生悲觀，永遠需要多一點，更多一點的安全感。為什麼他們如此需要安 全感，因為他們天生就沒有安全感，所以他們是很容易恐慌的，所以他們也就變得非常的多疑和猜忌。愛上一個巨蟹是要仔細思量的，因為他們會突然忽冷忽熱，突 然置之不理，突然惡言相向，但是其實他們並非不愛你，他們有時候是在跟自己嘔氣。他們渴望天天24小時同你粘在一起，他們對愛人有著強烈的佔有慾，恨不得 掏心掏肺給你，他們關注你的點點滴滴，小到為你買一支發卡，大到幫你選擇哪路公車……他們都費勁心思，他們時時刻刻每件事都為你考量，但又因為付出的不停 增加而變得越來越擔心害怕，會不會得不到對等的愛。所以他們會突然變得冷淡了，也許只因為你一個眼神，他們就覺得你已經不如從前，於是開始無休止的試探， 他們說話總是轉彎抹角，但是卻總希望你永遠清晰表態，假設某天你也含糊了一下，那就完了，蟹蟹們立刻條件反射的開始惴想出無數個虛擬場景，在無盡的悲觀 中，意淫出種種悲慘場面，然後再見你時，就已經是冷口冷面，甚至說出無比絕情的話語－－所以，你和巨蟹的他們，是要努力去磨合的，給他們足夠的信賴和安 全，他們回饋你的，絕對讓你感動的熱淚盈眶。　　虛偽包裝下易感的心實際上巨蟹善於偽裝。他們喜歡笑，無論何時何地，他們常常微笑，也許這笑容有時候讓人 欣慰，但有時候卻會讓人感到非常的虛偽。當然巨蟹們也總有自己的小奸小壞，但是他們虛偽的前提卻總是先為了保護自己。他們對自己應得的利益是淄銖必較，有 時候會讓人感到他們是不是很小心眼，但是，在朋友聚會等場合上，他們又絕對是豪爽大方，主動搶著付賬的人。所以其實巨蟹是個公私概念很明確的人，他們對該 得的絕對毫不客氣，而對待朋友，他們又覺得其實這點錢根本不算什麼。他們是眷戀朋友和家人的，他們基本都有些喜歡酒。而且酒量都還不錯，因為他們眷戀那種 賓客相盡歡的氣氛，更眷戀著家的和樂融洽之感。所以巨蟹們喜歡做飯，即使不會做飯也對美食有天然偏愛，他們懂得享受居家生活，所以巨蟹們有個理想婚姻是最 快樂的事情。問題是巨蟹們卻常常選擇晚婚或不結婚，因為他們多疑又害怕，他們總是對新幻境充滿懷疑，對新的家庭又嚮往又拒絕，在自我矛盾中，不斷蹉跎了年 華。　　自己為自己創造安定感覺巨蟹們總是不安，這是一種不好的感覺，因為如此，許多巨蟹枉然蹉跎，終日鬱鬱。其實，巨蟹們可以嘗試自己為自己創造安定的 感覺。找一個家裡人都喜歡的對象，建立一個自己的家，也許巨蟹會發現自己會變得安穩很多。找個摩羯是比較理想的選擇。或者找一個自己的愛好，傾注所有的心 血，自己也會變得安定很多。當然蟹蟹們也許會說，你這是站著說話不腰疼啊，要是那麼容易的話，還用得著你說嗎？呵。但是，無論怎樣，當我們自己意識到自己 的不安，就該努力去克服他，其實殼外的世界，沒有那麼可怕，這是真的。　　總的說來，巨蟹們很可愛，尤其是在藝術上有成就的那些人，他們創造的都是令人仰 止的豐碑，所以巨蟹們不必沒來由自卑，其實你們都很出色。

First day back to Kampar 回金宝的第一天 (dual language)

今天我又回来了，金宝~
Kampar， I've returned!

新的学期开始了，我带着兵士出征的心情前往金宝。
As the new semester starts, i adapted the mood of soldiers going for war to Kampar...
何谓兵士出征的心情呢？
what does it mean?
顾名思义，就是兵士在出征打仗前的心情啰~
To be frank, it plainly means the feeling of soldiers before they went to the battlefield~
由于本身赘肉很多，多到。。。。不懂怎么形容。。。=.=
because of the fats on my body~
所以，我只带了铁马前行，
thats why i decide to take only bicycle there,
而且，为了让我的生活更像修行，我决意选三楼的宿舍。(ground floor, first floor, second floor, third floor 的三楼哦~)
and, to make my life "harsh", i chose my room to be on the third floor~
结果：我差点走断了脚。。。
Result: i nearly walked my leg into 2...

原因：今天下午，我下来楼下要办些手续，然后要去学校那时间表。当我进到宿舍办公室(ground floor)时，我发现我的钱包还在房间里！于是，我就上去拿了钱包，又下来处理那些手续。接下来，我又去了学校，拿了时间表，订了报纸，我又去一个离我宿舍1.8km的Tesco，买了晚餐。去Tesco的路途中必须经历一段斜坡，我去的时候还没什么，回来的时候可惨了！因为手上带了很多东西，满重的，结果斜坡上不了，要用推的。。。 那可真得累死我了。。。 回到宿舍楼下时，我差点没昏倒，三楼啊！为什么当初我要选择三楼？？ T.T 为什么当初我要选择脚车？ 后悔死了。。。

Reason: This afternoon, i was going downstairs to the administration Office of my hostel for some business, and then i thought i would go to school to get my timetable. But when i was in the office, i realized my wallet was in my room! and so i went upstairs to get my wallet, and then finishes my business in the hostel office, and went to school for the timetable.
After finishing everything in the campus, i went to Tesco, which is approximately 1.8km from my hostel. There's a slope in the journey, I didn't have much trouble when i was going, because it was a down slide. But when i came back with foods on my load, trouble came! I can't climb up the slope! And so i have to push my bike up the slope... the case goes worse when i reached under my hostel. I just stared at the stairs and almost passed out... third floor..... why did i pick third floor when i was applying for hostel room? why did i choose to have bike instead of motorcycle in the first place?? so regret.....