A Time-Travelling Journey

7th-oct-09

Today is the third day of my new start. I thought i would bumped into some of my old friends, but, it was proven to be dreams. My Tennis tutor stopped his studies and goes for work in Ipoh. All my college buddies are almost scattered, i don't know where to find them. I thought some of them would share a class with me. I saw some of my old friends yesterday, in a class. It gives me great relief when i saw some of the familiar faces among thousands of new ones. I went to school canteen today, for lunch. To my surprise, the canteen crews have been changed. There's a pretty girl sitting on the cashier seat along with her boy-friend holding her hands all the time instead of an energetic woman whom i was familiar with.

Yesterday i went tot my class, and i saw a lot of new students, juniors, they were chatting among themselves in the class. I felt so lonely since i had no one to chat with. I'm that kind of guys who's not so easy to make friends with peoples. So i just sat there, alone in the midst of a crowd.

It makes me understand that I'm not coming back to the past. This place might have a place in my past, but now i'm not in that time-frame anymore. The world travels when i was still weeping about my longing to the past. I came back to a town that i've been here before, but in different time-frame. The buildings may seems old, but everything else is new. It's time to move on, before i'm too late for the last trip of the time traveling train.

巨蟹座

　　巨蟹是心軟的，容易被感動，即使表面看起來總是有一副硬硬的殼，但那殼子底下是一顆柔軟敏感到極至的內 心。它們面對一份感情是猶豫再三的，不要說它們懦弱，它們只是明白自己是容易受傷的。他們對感情抱有信仰，相信純真、相信天長地久，所以有時是挑剔的。　 　這是一層表面堅硬的殼，其實攻克輕而易舉，因為蟹蟹有一顆柔軟的心。　　蟹蟹戀愛了，這時的它們變的很粘人，很婆媽，因為你是它的中心，它會為你考慮很 多，飯吃了嗎？天氣會變了嗎？記得帶傘哦！路上車多，慢點走哦！……..諸如此類！　　蟹蟹是深情而癡情的，愛上一個人會愛的很深，即使明知道沒有結果也 很難自拔。這是巨蟹的一種固執，想要得到的東西，往往不會輕易放手。有時，一段沒有結果的戀情會成為蟹蟹的生活重心。這無疑是痛苦的，但又難以自拔。然 而，巨蟹的不安全感又在內心大叫著放棄，所以這時的蟹蟹總是在堅持和放棄的巨大矛盾中苦苦煎熬著。學會放棄是蟹蟹的一門功課.　　當然，如果蟹蟹真的決定 放棄了，它的堅決會讓所有人吃驚。　　　　要記住：除了你自己，沒有人可以傷害到你　　蟹子是癡情的，但又不善於表達，面對自己心愛的人拘謹、放不開。它 們的幽默感此刻變得生澀。　　蟹子是深情的，但又不善於把握，為什麼一次次控制不住自己的情緒，說出明知不該講的話？　　分裂而善於幻想的寄居蟹在說巨蟹 之前，先說說幾個一直以來欣賞的幾個偶像，他們都不同，但他們有一個共同點，就是，他們都是巨蟹男。周星馳，王家衛，羅大佑，李宗盛，梁朝偉，張學友…… 一般在每次排行榜中總是靠末的巨蟹們，看起來並沒有很明顯的個性，但是，他們在藝術方面的直覺和敏銳卻是別人難以匹敵，從這幾個人名裡就不難看出。他們在 生活中都是溫文爾雅的，被動的，甚至往往是沉默的，但是在他們的電影，歌曲中，卻展露出令人驚異的才華，讓我們總是不由自主的為之傾倒。當周星馳讓我們笑 得淚水橫流的時候，我們也早聽聞其實戲外的他認真嚴肅，不苟言笑，對待朋友和情人都很苛刻；我們知道在戲裡演什麼都神形畢似的影帝梁朝偉同性格南轅北轍的 射手劉嘉玲20多年同居，至今都不願結婚，他總是說，其實他的人生就是在戲裡；我們知道張學友出道前曾經是黑社會的小混混，天天宿醉，自暴自棄，也看到張 學友成名後依然為了家庭拚命打拼，幾近崩潰……　　這就是巨蟹，其實，最能說明巨蟹特質的，就是－－分裂無論是哪一種蟹，他們都有著分裂的思想。他們渴望 安定，也渴望出人頭地，他們內心充滿藝術的靈感，誇張的幻象，但是在現實生活中，他們總是低眉順眼，很難真正展露心中的狂想。所以在藝術的舞台上，他們反 而得以施展，讓心中奇異的狂想放大到極致，他們可以將任何一首歌一個角色演繹的入木三分，所有來自於生活中被動的接受，在藝術的殿堂上得到了最好的宣洩， 所以巨蟹真的應該屬於舞台。即使沒有好的歌喉沒有好的外形，但是他們有良好的感受力和表現力，他們的性格實際上更像是一隻寄居蟹，在真正自我的生活中，他 們常常將自己包裹的很緊，但在詮釋和演繹別人的時候，他們那內心的感情得到了釋放。　　巨蟹座的另一個長處是他們有著哲學的思考力世界因兩股力量相互消 長，而水象就是典型的陰柔之力。水象星座的人有一種天生的宇宙觀，巨蟹也是如此，加之他們天生有母愛的情結，所以他們的思考往往帶有著人性化的關懷。所以 從事與藝術相關的行業的巨蟹，無論如何都可以算是幸運的巨蟹，因為能夠得以發揮天然的性格所長。但是不是每個巨蟹都有這樣的機會，所以大多數巨蟹都會感到 自己的壓抑和痛苦。他們不是沒有渴望，相反他們需求很多，渴望很多，但是他們總是躲在自己的殼裡做著各式各樣的幻夢，只是在想，很少實施。所以如果你看到 的總是低眉順眼的巨蟹實際上並不是真正的巨蟹。那只是巨蟹的一個假象。　　永遠無法抹去的自卑巨蟹們其實是自我感覺很好的心高氣傲的一群人，但是卻又難以 克服時時刻刻想躲進殼裡的自卑感。他們天生多疑和敏感，碰到困難，就先躲進殼裡，自欺欺人，在夢中編織自我的安全感，而從來沒有想到如何主動將危機轉化為 機遇。他們對待困難的消極方式，使他們總很難真正木秀於林，他們總在捕捉他們認為最好的時機，但是那個時機卻總是無法到來，其實世間哪有萬全之策？當蟹蟹 們艱苦的自我互博之時，大好時機已經失去。但是要改變這種天生的自卑感確乎很難，蟹蟹們幾乎完全不由自主。　　懷舊是巨蟹們的人生主旋律巨蟹們非常懷舊。 他們喜歡舊東西，懷戀舊感情，對家庭有著天然的眷戀。泛黃的相片，褪色的絲帶，塵封的梳妝台……所有一切帶有浪漫情調的舊物，都可以讓他們獨自神傷，黯然 追想，他們總是沉浸在過去的回憶裡，永遠記得年少時的孤寂敏感，永遠記得初戀情人，多年後仍然四處找尋初戀情人的消息，慰籍多年來始終保持新鮮的記憶。所 以王家衛的電影總喜歡用這樣的句式開頭：多年以後……　　忽冷忽熱患得患失的愛情他們天生悲觀，永遠需要多一點，更多一點的安全感。為什麼他們如此需要安 全感，因為他們天生就沒有安全感，所以他們是很容易恐慌的，所以他們也就變得非常的多疑和猜忌。愛上一個巨蟹是要仔細思量的，因為他們會突然忽冷忽熱，突 然置之不理，突然惡言相向，但是其實他們並非不愛你，他們有時候是在跟自己嘔氣。他們渴望天天24小時同你粘在一起，他們對愛人有著強烈的佔有慾，恨不得 掏心掏肺給你，他們關注你的點點滴滴，小到為你買一支發卡，大到幫你選擇哪路公車……他們都費勁心思，他們時時刻刻每件事都為你考量，但又因為付出的不停 增加而變得越來越擔心害怕，會不會得不到對等的愛。所以他們會突然變得冷淡了，也許只因為你一個眼神，他們就覺得你已經不如從前，於是開始無休止的試探， 他們說話總是轉彎抹角，但是卻總希望你永遠清晰表態，假設某天你也含糊了一下，那就完了，蟹蟹們立刻條件反射的開始惴想出無數個虛擬場景，在無盡的悲觀 中，意淫出種種悲慘場面，然後再見你時，就已經是冷口冷面，甚至說出無比絕情的話語－－所以，你和巨蟹的他們，是要努力去磨合的，給他們足夠的信賴和安 全，他們回饋你的，絕對讓你感動的熱淚盈眶。　　虛偽包裝下易感的心實際上巨蟹善於偽裝。他們喜歡笑，無論何時何地，他們常常微笑，也許這笑容有時候讓人 欣慰，但有時候卻會讓人感到非常的虛偽。當然巨蟹們也總有自己的小奸小壞，但是他們虛偽的前提卻總是先為了保護自己。他們對自己應得的利益是淄銖必較，有 時候會讓人感到他們是不是很小心眼，但是，在朋友聚會等場合上，他們又絕對是豪爽大方，主動搶著付賬的人。所以其實巨蟹是個公私概念很明確的人，他們對該 得的絕對毫不客氣，而對待朋友，他們又覺得其實這點錢根本不算什麼。他們是眷戀朋友和家人的，他們基本都有些喜歡酒。而且酒量都還不錯，因為他們眷戀那種 賓客相盡歡的氣氛，更眷戀著家的和樂融洽之感。所以巨蟹們喜歡做飯，即使不會做飯也對美食有天然偏愛，他們懂得享受居家生活，所以巨蟹們有個理想婚姻是最 快樂的事情。問題是巨蟹們卻常常選擇晚婚或不結婚，因為他們多疑又害怕，他們總是對新幻境充滿懷疑，對新的家庭又嚮往又拒絕，在自我矛盾中，不斷蹉跎了年 華。　　自己為自己創造安定感覺巨蟹們總是不安，這是一種不好的感覺，因為如此，許多巨蟹枉然蹉跎，終日鬱鬱。其實，巨蟹們可以嘗試自己為自己創造安定的 感覺。找一個家裡人都喜歡的對象，建立一個自己的家，也許巨蟹會發現自己會變得安穩很多。找個摩羯是比較理想的選擇。或者找一個自己的愛好，傾注所有的心 血，自己也會變得安定很多。當然蟹蟹們也許會說，你這是站著說話不腰疼啊，要是那麼容易的話，還用得著你說嗎？呵。但是，無論怎樣，當我們自己意識到自己 的不安，就該努力去克服他，其實殼外的世界，沒有那麼可怕，這是真的。　　總的說來，巨蟹們很可愛，尤其是在藝術上有成就的那些人，他們創造的都是令人仰 止的豐碑，所以巨蟹們不必沒來由自卑，其實你們都很出色。

First day back to Kampar 回金宝的第一天 (dual language)

今天我又回来了，金宝~
Kampar， I've returned!

新的学期开始了，我带着兵士出征的心情前往金宝。
As the new semester starts, i adapted the mood of soldiers going for war to Kampar...
何谓兵士出征的心情呢？
what does it mean?
顾名思义，就是兵士在出征打仗前的心情啰~
To be frank, it plainly means the feeling of soldiers before they went to the battlefield~
由于本身赘肉很多，多到。。。。不懂怎么形容。。。=.=
because of the fats on my body~
所以，我只带了铁马前行，
thats why i decide to take only bicycle there,
而且，为了让我的生活更像修行，我决意选三楼的宿舍。(ground floor, first floor, second floor, third floor 的三楼哦~)
and, to make my life "harsh", i chose my room to be on the third floor~
结果：我差点走断了脚。。。
Result: i nearly walked my leg into 2...

原因：今天下午，我下来楼下要办些手续，然后要去学校那时间表。当我进到宿舍办公室(ground floor)时，我发现我的钱包还在房间里！于是，我就上去拿了钱包，又下来处理那些手续。接下来，我又去了学校，拿了时间表，订了报纸，我又去一个离我宿舍1.8km的Tesco，买了晚餐。去Tesco的路途中必须经历一段斜坡，我去的时候还没什么，回来的时候可惨了！因为手上带了很多东西，满重的，结果斜坡上不了，要用推的。。。 那可真得累死我了。。。 回到宿舍楼下时，我差点没昏倒，三楼啊！为什么当初我要选择三楼？？ T.T 为什么当初我要选择脚车？ 后悔死了。。。

Reason: This afternoon, i was going downstairs to the administration Office of my hostel for some business, and then i thought i would go to school to get my timetable. But when i was in the office, i realized my wallet was in my room! and so i went upstairs to get my wallet, and then finishes my business in the hostel office, and went to school for the timetable.
After finishing everything in the campus, i went to Tesco, which is approximately 1.8km from my hostel. There's a slope in the journey, I didn't have much trouble when i was going, because it was a down slide. But when i came back with foods on my load, trouble came! I can't climb up the slope! And so i have to push my bike up the slope... the case goes worse when i reached under my hostel. I just stared at the stairs and almost passed out... third floor..... why did i pick third floor when i was applying for hostel room? why did i choose to have bike instead of motorcycle in the first place?? so regret.....

Sky's Memory Lane

Most of the people would say, Photo is the best way to keep certain memories afresh, so that the sweet moments would stay there for us to glance back.
But when i looked back to those pictures, it does not remind me of my sweet moments only, it makes me sad. Perhaps i'm not satisfied with my current life, i longed for the past.
i love it when i was in my elementary school. i had a "girl friend" there, grand daughter of the head master. it was great, i dont have to worry for anything. i went to school in the morning, singing along with the radio, imitating Aaron Kwok in the afternoon, watching Ultraman killing monsters every thursday. Most of all, my family is whole by then.
i love it too, when i was in my primary school. Although my father left us when i was in standard 3, it didn't really stops me from enjoying my childhood. My life starts mingling with music back then, when i decided to join the military band of SRJK(C) Chung Cheng. It was, my happiest time of my childhood. Not to mention that i was one of the elite students who got picked by the school for the PTS test, which, if passed, will have us go directly from standard 3 to standard 5. I didn't make it though, but it's okay, i earn some great friendship, for example, Lik Yin, Teck Kean, etc... Did you know that we once played "Ultraman Killing Monster" Game in class? We sort of bullied a kid in our class, having him to potray as every monster appeared in the series.. He's a Pantai Remis kid, with kinda-dirty appearance, pity him.... i still remembered there's once he had a ring around his eyes, and we lost counted who did it to him, since then we dropped the game... that boy came to school with his mother yelling her head off, it was 1 of the funny scenes i had.
Do you know when i started to know about Cyber Cafe? It was when i'm in standard 6. We went to play Counter Strike on an afternoon, skipping tuition, along with Tony, Chai Kang, and a few more friends. The feeling of breaking rules is thrilling.
When i was sent for secondary, i was a bit nervous at first, scared of losing friends, but luckily we all went into the same class. I applied for school prefect, having to think that it was so cool to be one, and i stayed as a prefect for the rest of my secondary years. Having asked "the" question, i answered: I wanted to serve the school, helping to maintain discipline of the student. What an answer! hahaha, i'm breaking rules under the guise as well, how on earth am i goin to do so? But i did contribute quite a lot to the school, helping to catch smokers in the school and such, it's just my own attitude's problem i wasn't promoted, so told the Discipline master to me. I learned a lot in my secondary years, about vocals from school's Choir team, about musics from school's Military Band, about relationships from my crushes, etc... i enjoyed my secondary years, even though i didn't thought i would. My sweetest memory when i was in secondary would probably be spending time with my crush-at the moment. ( XD )
Now i'm in college, i felt my friends are all gone, they would not stay beside me anymore, we didn't have class gathering anymore, even if they had, i would be too busy for it, because i had dedicated my time to the church. my college lads are only available when we're all in college. every time when i was in kampar, i felt so lonely, as if there's not shelter for me there. i felt so alone, until i've hooked up with my ex, last time. It was warm by then, having to fight for my future, for someone i love, someone who cares alot abt me, i felt so energetic. But, for that cause, i tend to demand alot from her, so in the end, we break up. it was hard to maintain, for peoples like me, cause i want alot from my couple, i want full attention, which would bring her a lot of pressure.
Actually i don't enjoy my college life, it was dull, and lonely.
i love my past more than i love my future.

The only thing i would love in my future is what can i do for my Lord. I want to build Him an Army of Praise, I'm working towards this direction now, and i believe, within His guidance, i will succeed in this mission. plz pray for me.

1 Malaysia

This is a short movie from our beloved local director, Yasmin Ahmad, who had just passed away.



http://15malaysia.com/films/chocolate/

When i first watched this video, i felt like, yeah... that's what our parents taught us to. Ever since i was a little kid, my parents and my relatives had been teaching us the old prejudice of the races in Malaysia. Something like we're the one doing all the hard work, and yet the government running by the malays (duh, the prime minister was, and still is, a malay. i've got questions why other races cant be a prime minister? but i guess i'm chicken, so i dare not ask in public.) demanded us to share our hard-earned profit with the lazy, doing-nothing malays. All these, for the young minds of the chinese children, and almost all chinese families taught the same thing to their youngsters! can you imagine that?

The story went through a malay girl who stopped by the chinese boy's grocery shop to buy batteries. It felt for me like, the young malay lady was innocent, but she was ill-treated by the furious chinese boy, she does not deserve that. I felt like, the young ones in this video is potraying us. Some of us, thanks to our parents and families, we hate malays, for some unsure reasons. We never bother to find out whether do they still act the same way as their grandpas' treating ours'. We never give them chance to prove that they've changed.

And all these while, the politician has done a bad job working out the new slogan they've picked for 2009's National day--One Malaysia. Earlier in year, Haven't we saw on newspaper that some politician claims that us the chinese are just immigrants? Those politicians came from where? From BN. Where, to be exact? UMNO. Why are we being treated like this? Also, recently, i've heard from my pastor, about the History TextBook for Form 4 students all around the nation being tampered with, and all the efforts the Chinese and Indians poured out for the nation has been miraculously disappeared from it.

Tunku Abdul Rahman, don't you ever forget, when u travel to London to apply for Nation's Independence, Tun Tan Cheng Lock is just beside you! MCA has always been there for BN, and now? you want the clear away MCA's effort in Nation's independence history? Who is the one playing with the racist issue?

Our nation is doing what the Japanese is doing currently. They tried to beautify their invasion during the Second World War by tampering their nation's history Textbook. They tried to cover their cruel massacre in Nanjing, China, by telling their children there's no such thing. Is that they way they show they've repented? Showed that they've felt sorry for what they've done to the world in the past? i don't think so... i think they're just trying to make themselves look nice in front of their future leaders... they're trying to cover all the cruel things they've done, in order to have a good impression for their children. For that motive, perhaps it's still acceptable, still it's a wrong way to do. But our nation? what's the motive of tampering our history? Does this shows that they (the malays) hates us more that we hate them? Does this means they wanna drive us off this country?

Enough with the "fault-check",
to be honest, i like the idea of Malaysia being united as 1, not 3, or more. I mean, I'm born in this country, not born in china, and migrated here.
If there's a statute to protect the bumiputras, I think i should be included. Why? I'm Born in here, not china. In my ID card, it says my nationality is Malaysian, not China.
If "Bumi" people enjoys special rights, I think so do I. I mean, whats the difference between us the local-born chinese and indians, compared with local-born malays? skin color? eye color? hair type? Even malays have fairer skin-tone, which looks like chinese. what's so different?
Personally i don't mind my national language is Malay, as long as I have the chance to learn my own mother tongue. About the national religion, is that neccesary? isn't it in our law that in this country we are free to choose any religion? should we force on a national religion? if a national religion is set, it means the whole nation's having the same religion, that's what i understand from books, perhaps i'm wrong... but if we enjoy the freedom of choosing our own religion, why in the world was the malays excluded in this law? Do they have the chance to choose? i guess not... they were born muslims, if i'm not mistaken. Is this one of their special "BUMI" protection? if that's so, i guess i don't want to have that protection anymore. XD

1 Malaysia, it's a far dream, very beautiful, and yet far to reach.
if one day, the nation is fair, justice, no more political games, then, i think, the dream's finally coming closer and closer.

技巧与生命

刚刚在教会里，谈到有关技巧与生命之间的问题，让我有些迷惑。
有位姐妹说，生命才重要。服事是透过生命来彰显。有好的生命才是最重要。

我不太认同。

生命很重要，我并不打算否认。
我也知道，明白生命的重要性。

但是，我觉得技巧也不能够被忽略。
我认为，技巧是神赐给我们的恩赐，
我们凭着恩赐去行神的工作。

我觉得，恩赐与生命都一样重要。
当然，生命略胜一筹。
因为，如果没有技巧，我们又如何能够做某些事呢？

比如说，一位弟兄，他的生命很好，
可他未必有敬拜的恩赐。
所谓敬拜的恩赐，是指带领敬拜的技巧。

又或则一位姐妹，
很有唱歌的恩赐，敬拜的恩赐，
可她未必有写歌的恩赐。

刚刚也说到，敬拜赞美里，
领唱的生命很重要。
领唱的技巧并不怎么样，
也能够让台下热烈起来。
一个人如果有生命，
就不会觉得某些敬拜赞美时段很烂，
气氛很冷。

这我也不太认同。
我觉得，我们是服事神没错，
但是如果你说我们没服事人，
那就有点错了。

圣经上说，我们若不爱身边的弟兄，
我们如何能说我们爱神？
我们连身边看得见的弟兄都没办法爱，
我们怎么爱我们看不见的神？

说真的，如果你说我们不服事人的话，
那我们也不必举行崇拜、布道会、圣诞晚会、双九节了。
那些难道都不是服事人吗？
我们只需每天呆在家里，
灵修祷告，唱诗敬拜就好啦，
何必出来参与服事呢？



我真的不太明白，请各位为我解答。谢谢。

A4J (17th June 09 )

在10th-12th June 2009, 我参加了一个震撼国度，震撼人心的营会--A4J (Awakening For Jesus)

这个营会我以前参加过（大概是在我14岁的时候，6年前），当时的营会也是一个震撼人心，令人热血沸腾的营会，和以往、以后（不包括这一次）我所参加过的营会完全不同。原因其实还蛮简单直接的，那就是我会听见神对我说话。虽然不是直接的，不过我还是可以感觉到。那种感觉有点难以形容，不过有时我会很真实地感觉到神的同在。我会对一些人说出我无法理解的话，然而那些话却能够帮助那些人。

我猜，这算是神迹吧？

这一次去，其实我是抱着去旅游的心态去的。去观摩他们的乐团、运作方式而取得。简单来说，就是我的心态不正确。

不过，无所谓，神照样触摸我。他依然祝福我，毅然来到我的身旁陪伴着我。当然，他也来责备我，为我以前所犯的罪责骂我，为我的不听话而责备我。为此，我献上感谢，神借此为我更新了我的心，我的生命，神啊，我感谢你，愿一切荣耀都归你。

To whom thirsts for God,
I sincerely invite you to join me for the Next A4J conference.
May peace be with you, dear brother(sister).
Shalom.