tears of prinz

(dis is a reply, from me, to my sister's blog.)


nice~ hahaha~ i like dat life too.... haiz... but my family insists on certs... i wish i could get loose from it too.... i duwan to be so talented anymore.... talent is a burden for me.... i hate every talent i hav... everyone used to told me:" u're smart when u're small, how come u are so lazy, duwan to study?" i hate to be smart when i was small... i wish i was dumb... i wish i were stupid...

whenever they told my mom what a waste i didn't study hard for SPM, i felt like... why u guys wanna stab in some more? don't you noe it hurts? so wad if i didn't get any cert? izzit no cert means no life? izzit dat no cert means i'm not even qualified to be a man?

i dun like to go out with grown-ups... bcoz they always ask me, where did i study? wad subject i'm taking? wad level of education am i now? am i still studying? that's wad the adults love to ask. even pastor loves to ask. but i dun like to answer these question...i felt like they're laughing in my face...

i'm in a whirlpool of gloominess, did you know that?
except that i know wad God wants me to do for our church, wad should i bring back from A4J, i'm uncertain abt the rest...
i never tell anyone... not a single soul... bcoz everyone seems to have their own probs to manage, so i didn't add more from me onto their own problems... i wish i did tell someone abt it, but that person is bz worrying about someone else... who could i share dis with? jasmine? she got her own relationship affair... nancy? she's got lots to worry about without dis... yolenda? i dun even noe whether is she willing to listen... michelle? she's not that close to me yet... then who else?

from the beginning till now... what i want is just a listener, someone i could share my cries with... not an advisor... not someone to scold me to deaf...

it has been long since i last cried for something personal... something not related to God... even long since i last cried to a person...i remembered the last person to see me crying was my sister, for our communication and family affairs. that was in 2006. the last person to hear me crying was my ex... i was touched for her present, my last birthday's present. and that was in last year.

if i cried in front of you, that means i love you. i never cry b4 any friends of mine... just the loved ones....