天空笔记

一个男人，不会无缘无故地，对一个女人千依百顺。
A man won't just simply follow every order a woman told him to do..
对她千依百顺，有几个原因而已....
but, if a man would listen and do quietly, then, there's only some reason that he's doing so...

第一，她是老板
Firstly, She's his boss...

第二，她是美女
Second, She's a gorgeous

第三，她是你老妈
Third, She's your mom...

第四，她是你的最爱。
and Fourth, She's your soulmate.

男人天生不太喜欢跟随在女人的背后，这是大男人主义吗？

不过，如果，有位男士每天都跟在女士的背后，你必须怀疑，他是不是个追踪狂？？

男人都喜欢看美丽的东西，美丽的女人，如果你要比较贴切的形容。。。

试验证明，看美女对男士的健康有益~ 真不懂那个研究到底是不是色男们做的？

男生都很喜欢炫耀~ 炫耀自己有的比别人好~

从身边的人事物，比如妻子比较美，到工作赚钱比较多，到车子比较大，到最后，谁的枪比较长。。。

当然，也有不炫耀的，不过，那只是少数的异类~

男人，大都是自恋狂。

因为他们总会对他们的另一半说，我就是最帅的~别人都不够我帅，别看他们，不然眼睛会生疮~

他们还会对他们的儿女们说，爸爸是最厉害的~爸爸每天为了你们工作那么辛苦，爸爸多帅？

这就是被命名为男人的生物。

还没写完，有待继续。

fishy adventure

This is the poor fish that lay resting in my stomach (1/10 of it...), rest in peace (did it know it was me that ate it?? dun find me for revenge huh~)

Now, for the detail of dat poor fish~
the bones in this picture is approximately 20-25cm long, excluding the head n tail.
the fish weights 2.8kg.
only 4 ppl eating this fish!
i can only eat 300grams... full jor....
dis fish is RM90+- / kg!
the name of the fish: 顺壳 （shun hock）-- freshwater fish.

Now, for the detail of my adventure~
This poor incident happened just now, when my brother suddenly so Hao Xin, offered me a lift to kampar. Actually he brought 2 friends of his for a search of delicacies in Tualang (which is about 45 minutes trip from UiTP-- Petronas de university in Perak.). Tualang is famous for it's freshwater seafoods. One of his friend is a tea dealer, and also a former chef, now a food specialist(i duno it's right to translate it this way, but the chinese word to describe it is 食客).

So, we went there, with intention to bury tonnes of freshwater seafoods into our stomach.
due to my skin allergy problems, i did not take any big prawns today, quite sad for it... when we cant eat some food due to our health condition, dat particular food became extra delicious in our eyes... why leh?? hmmm~ it's a question worth thinking~ mayb can get Nobel for it~

so, this poor fish is left with bones after half an hour being served up~ let's give it a loud applause to those 3 gentlements! they each consumed 2 big prawns(each the size of 10cm, weights about 100-150grams) , & (2.9kg-0.3kg/3= +-0.87)kg of the fish!

finally, the meal costs us rm 325.00, not 32.50~

火车虫的季节

今天早上，当我一手拿着面包，一手拿着豆奶赶往教室的时候，我发现红红黑黑的火车虫正一条一条地趴在阶梯那儿，写意地晒太阳。原来火车虫又回来啦？我还来不及对那火车虫先生酷刑逼供，上课的时间就到了。我只好很遗憾的继续前往课室的方向走去，临走前还丢下了一句：“算你好运！我会再回来“探望”你的，火车虫先生！”。

回想起昨晚的大冒险，心里面真的有点痛，有点伤，有点酸。先说说我昨晚的大冒险吧。昨天我5pm上巴士前往怡保（要到金宝，若使用巴士，就必须先到怡保，再转巴士。）。6.50pm到达怡保。这一个时段以向来都很多乘客。从怡保到金宝的巴士是7.15pm的，所以我只好等了。好不容易上了巴士前往金宝了，突然下起大雨来，不过还好，我在车里，下雨也无妨。到达金宝，时间是8.15pm。当时下着雨，旧城里我居住的新城大约有2-3km吧？我不太清楚，不过我记得，若走路回家需要1个钟头。平均1个人走路的速度是1.5-2km/h。最快的一班车（最后一班）是9.15pm。这一个钟，我又冷，又饿，真的觉得很无助。终于，9.15pm，有车回去了。到了新城，还在下着雨。我淋着雨走了约十分钟去打包晚餐，走上三楼，回到我房间。看看时间，原来我的大冒险历时5个小时。

昨天我真的觉得好累。总觉得我回来，做了那么多，一点成果都没有。教会活动太多，我挪不出时间来配合大家。一直都有时间安排上的碰撞，导致人手稀少。少年人………宁愿打羽球，也不来。我也不记得我最后一次打羽球是几时了。只觉得做了那么多，为了什么？牺牲这一切，全部人也只不过当你在吠。虽然如此，我也的确发掘了不少真的献上自己来学习的少年人，这点让有有点安慰。我知道我走的路正确，目标对准了，只是走的方式不对。有必要的话，我会离开全心，让更多人能够来参与。

昨晚神用了一个很奇特的方式来安慰我（当我向他诉说这一切的时候）。他让我唱《你的最爱》，来自赞美之泉的“沙漠中的赞美”专辑里的一首歌，让我重新站立，充满力量。

p.s. 我把我觉得有趣的画面放上了我的facebook，有空可以看看~^^

Night in Kampar

I found out something weird tonight... actually i've been seeing this phenomenon for years, it's just i never state it out.

You'll rarely be able to find any stars in Kampar's night sky.
I dunnoe why, but it's true... quite difficult to look for stars in kampar, though there are some exceptions.

perhaps it refers to me?

by coincidence, my name's also sky.

1 more thing i found out about kampar is, the old town "sleeps" at 8pm, but some corners in the new town are like vegas, it never rests. I guess you can find Malaysia's biggest CyberCafe here. 5 shops in a row, combined together to form the biggest CC in kampar, perhaps even Perak!

then, there is a grass field near Kampar's high class hotel, Grand Kampar Hotel. U can see alot of students having private barbeque parties there during the nights, around the grass field~ it feels like having a campfire~though i wasn't invited for the party, i just visit past them last time, when i was looking for my dinner.

there are a lot of food stores / shops here in kampar... u'll be able to find mamak stores, rice shops, western cuisine, fusion cuisine (HK style), ice blended fruits(they have even durian ice blended...), even dim sum too..... hehe~ that contributed alot to my weight lol~ you should not be worrying about food, you should instead worry about ur wallet...

this is a weird city, i dun love it, but i dun hate it either... perhaps i took it as a stepping stone, in my life, i just stop here for a while, resting my feet, before i continue with my journey? yeah... i think so...

Memory Traveling

Time travel. It's a deep term, with huge meaning, and it brings a lot of benefit to human race if it is possible. Imagine that you could travel back in time to stop the world wars, what would happen to the present? Perhaps Adolf Hitler would be a nobody, and there won't be nuclear detonations in Japan. It is a beautiful dream, isn't it? But since we haven't successfully invented a time machine, so this remains quite impossible to reach.

Have you heard of memory traveling?

Whether has anyone experienced this, I have no idea, but I did. It was kind of a soul's encounter. Whenever i went visiting some places I've been there before, I could see flashes of memories I have there. For example, I saw my tracks in the school where i used to study, seeing them flashing over my window of soul, in a form of a faded shadow. All these happens in my head.

It feels like time traveling, just it's not in a time line we're traveling in, but in our own memory. It helps us to review the decisions we made in the past, having a chance to correct what we've done wrong, or to remorse for some faults we've previously did.

I thank God for giving me a ticket to this adventure. He gave me a chance to correct my wrong. Even God is telling me to study. Personally I thinkthese journeys are a great way of checking my own growth status. It reflects how much I've grown up spiritually.

Now, I would like to enclose a short story regarding to Sunday's Whole Heart P&W team.

I felt tired recently, for my services. Sad, because I caused the teens to fear me for my strictness. Sad, because I felt that I sacrificed more that I have for result, as they don't appreciate it. Personally I think I'm not strict enough, I'm considered a lot milder that the organizations they have in their school already. It's just they've never experienced that kind of tense sensation, they've been pampered by their family and friends, that's why they could not accept my words. But then. peoples are leaving the team, what should I do? Should I just ignore, keep on with an iron grip? Or should i pamper them as their friends did? My own opinion is, if you're eager to learn more, to grow up, to evolve, to be better, you won't complain about the strictness of the tutor. The stricter the better. Those complaining about strictness of the tutor are those who were satisfied with their current possessions, and does not want to get better. They're comfortable with what they have now. They don't want anything else.

I felt so sad when i found out about these. Frankly speaking, I do care about how people look upon me. Of course, I understand that it's hard to satisfy the world, but...... I need guidance, Lord, a direction where i could go.Plan A is going to be held down for a while now, until next year, due to the choir practices that's going to start soon. This is partly God's arrangement, so I dare not complain. Since choir practices are being tutored by me, i don't think it makes such a difference, vocal lessons can still be taught in choir practices.

One more thing, I was thinking of starting a P&W cell group, which was already on the run, thanks to Luke, and I'm recruiting only those who were willing to keep their distance close to God, willing to sacrifice for Jesus. The whole thing would be like a cell group, with sharing and such, combined with band practices.

Luke had been my faithful companion and half a tutor, to these i owe him a gratitude, may God bless him always, and lastly, may Glory be the Lord Jesus.

A Time-Travelling Journey

7th-oct-09

Today is the third day of my new start. I thought i would bumped into some of my old friends, but, it was proven to be dreams. My Tennis tutor stopped his studies and goes for work in Ipoh. All my college buddies are almost scattered, i don't know where to find them. I thought some of them would share a class with me. I saw some of my old friends yesterday, in a class. It gives me great relief when i saw some of the familiar faces among thousands of new ones. I went to school canteen today, for lunch. To my surprise, the canteen crews have been changed. There's a pretty girl sitting on the cashier seat along with her boy-friend holding her hands all the time instead of an energetic woman whom i was familiar with.

Yesterday i went tot my class, and i saw a lot of new students, juniors, they were chatting among themselves in the class. I felt so lonely since i had no one to chat with. I'm that kind of guys who's not so easy to make friends with peoples. So i just sat there, alone in the midst of a crowd.

It makes me understand that I'm not coming back to the past. This place might have a place in my past, but now i'm not in that time-frame anymore. The world travels when i was still weeping about my longing to the past. I came back to a town that i've been here before, but in different time-frame. The buildings may seems old, but everything else is new. It's time to move on, before i'm too late for the last trip of the time traveling train.

巨蟹座

　　巨蟹是心軟的，容易被感動，即使表面看起來總是有一副硬硬的殼，但那殼子底下是一顆柔軟敏感到極至的內 心。它們面對一份感情是猶豫再三的，不要說它們懦弱，它們只是明白自己是容易受傷的。他們對感情抱有信仰，相信純真、相信天長地久，所以有時是挑剔的。　 　這是一層表面堅硬的殼，其實攻克輕而易舉，因為蟹蟹有一顆柔軟的心。　　蟹蟹戀愛了，這時的它們變的很粘人，很婆媽，因為你是它的中心，它會為你考慮很 多，飯吃了嗎？天氣會變了嗎？記得帶傘哦！路上車多，慢點走哦！……..諸如此類！　　蟹蟹是深情而癡情的，愛上一個人會愛的很深，即使明知道沒有結果也 很難自拔。這是巨蟹的一種固執，想要得到的東西，往往不會輕易放手。有時，一段沒有結果的戀情會成為蟹蟹的生活重心。這無疑是痛苦的，但又難以自拔。然 而，巨蟹的不安全感又在內心大叫著放棄，所以這時的蟹蟹總是在堅持和放棄的巨大矛盾中苦苦煎熬著。學會放棄是蟹蟹的一門功課.　　當然，如果蟹蟹真的決定 放棄了，它的堅決會讓所有人吃驚。　　　　要記住：除了你自己，沒有人可以傷害到你　　蟹子是癡情的，但又不善於表達，面對自己心愛的人拘謹、放不開。它 們的幽默感此刻變得生澀。　　蟹子是深情的，但又不善於把握，為什麼一次次控制不住自己的情緒，說出明知不該講的話？　　分裂而善於幻想的寄居蟹在說巨蟹 之前，先說說幾個一直以來欣賞的幾個偶像，他們都不同，但他們有一個共同點，就是，他們都是巨蟹男。周星馳，王家衛，羅大佑，李宗盛，梁朝偉，張學友…… 一般在每次排行榜中總是靠末的巨蟹們，看起來並沒有很明顯的個性，但是，他們在藝術方面的直覺和敏銳卻是別人難以匹敵，從這幾個人名裡就不難看出。他們在 生活中都是溫文爾雅的，被動的，甚至往往是沉默的，但是在他們的電影，歌曲中，卻展露出令人驚異的才華，讓我們總是不由自主的為之傾倒。當周星馳讓我們笑 得淚水橫流的時候，我們也早聽聞其實戲外的他認真嚴肅，不苟言笑，對待朋友和情人都很苛刻；我們知道在戲裡演什麼都神形畢似的影帝梁朝偉同性格南轅北轍的 射手劉嘉玲20多年同居，至今都不願結婚，他總是說，其實他的人生就是在戲裡；我們知道張學友出道前曾經是黑社會的小混混，天天宿醉，自暴自棄，也看到張 學友成名後依然為了家庭拚命打拼，幾近崩潰……　　這就是巨蟹，其實，最能說明巨蟹特質的，就是－－分裂無論是哪一種蟹，他們都有著分裂的思想。他們渴望 安定，也渴望出人頭地，他們內心充滿藝術的靈感，誇張的幻象，但是在現實生活中，他們總是低眉順眼，很難真正展露心中的狂想。所以在藝術的舞台上，他們反 而得以施展，讓心中奇異的狂想放大到極致，他們可以將任何一首歌一個角色演繹的入木三分，所有來自於生活中被動的接受，在藝術的殿堂上得到了最好的宣洩， 所以巨蟹真的應該屬於舞台。即使沒有好的歌喉沒有好的外形，但是他們有良好的感受力和表現力，他們的性格實際上更像是一隻寄居蟹，在真正自我的生活中，他 們常常將自己包裹的很緊，但在詮釋和演繹別人的時候，他們那內心的感情得到了釋放。　　巨蟹座的另一個長處是他們有著哲學的思考力世界因兩股力量相互消 長，而水象就是典型的陰柔之力。水象星座的人有一種天生的宇宙觀，巨蟹也是如此，加之他們天生有母愛的情結，所以他們的思考往往帶有著人性化的關懷。所以 從事與藝術相關的行業的巨蟹，無論如何都可以算是幸運的巨蟹，因為能夠得以發揮天然的性格所長。但是不是每個巨蟹都有這樣的機會，所以大多數巨蟹都會感到 自己的壓抑和痛苦。他們不是沒有渴望，相反他們需求很多，渴望很多，但是他們總是躲在自己的殼裡做著各式各樣的幻夢，只是在想，很少實施。所以如果你看到 的總是低眉順眼的巨蟹實際上並不是真正的巨蟹。那只是巨蟹的一個假象。　　永遠無法抹去的自卑巨蟹們其實是自我感覺很好的心高氣傲的一群人，但是卻又難以 克服時時刻刻想躲進殼裡的自卑感。他們天生多疑和敏感，碰到困難，就先躲進殼裡，自欺欺人，在夢中編織自我的安全感，而從來沒有想到如何主動將危機轉化為 機遇。他們對待困難的消極方式，使他們總很難真正木秀於林，他們總在捕捉他們認為最好的時機，但是那個時機卻總是無法到來，其實世間哪有萬全之策？當蟹蟹 們艱苦的自我互博之時，大好時機已經失去。但是要改變這種天生的自卑感確乎很難，蟹蟹們幾乎完全不由自主。　　懷舊是巨蟹們的人生主旋律巨蟹們非常懷舊。 他們喜歡舊東西，懷戀舊感情，對家庭有著天然的眷戀。泛黃的相片，褪色的絲帶，塵封的梳妝台……所有一切帶有浪漫情調的舊物，都可以讓他們獨自神傷，黯然 追想，他們總是沉浸在過去的回憶裡，永遠記得年少時的孤寂敏感，永遠記得初戀情人，多年後仍然四處找尋初戀情人的消息，慰籍多年來始終保持新鮮的記憶。所 以王家衛的電影總喜歡用這樣的句式開頭：多年以後……　　忽冷忽熱患得患失的愛情他們天生悲觀，永遠需要多一點，更多一點的安全感。為什麼他們如此需要安 全感，因為他們天生就沒有安全感，所以他們是很容易恐慌的，所以他們也就變得非常的多疑和猜忌。愛上一個巨蟹是要仔細思量的，因為他們會突然忽冷忽熱，突 然置之不理，突然惡言相向，但是其實他們並非不愛你，他們有時候是在跟自己嘔氣。他們渴望天天24小時同你粘在一起，他們對愛人有著強烈的佔有慾，恨不得 掏心掏肺給你，他們關注你的點點滴滴，小到為你買一支發卡，大到幫你選擇哪路公車……他們都費勁心思，他們時時刻刻每件事都為你考量，但又因為付出的不停 增加而變得越來越擔心害怕，會不會得不到對等的愛。所以他們會突然變得冷淡了，也許只因為你一個眼神，他們就覺得你已經不如從前，於是開始無休止的試探， 他們說話總是轉彎抹角，但是卻總希望你永遠清晰表態，假設某天你也含糊了一下，那就完了，蟹蟹們立刻條件反射的開始惴想出無數個虛擬場景，在無盡的悲觀 中，意淫出種種悲慘場面，然後再見你時，就已經是冷口冷面，甚至說出無比絕情的話語－－所以，你和巨蟹的他們，是要努力去磨合的，給他們足夠的信賴和安 全，他們回饋你的，絕對讓你感動的熱淚盈眶。　　虛偽包裝下易感的心實際上巨蟹善於偽裝。他們喜歡笑，無論何時何地，他們常常微笑，也許這笑容有時候讓人 欣慰，但有時候卻會讓人感到非常的虛偽。當然巨蟹們也總有自己的小奸小壞，但是他們虛偽的前提卻總是先為了保護自己。他們對自己應得的利益是淄銖必較，有 時候會讓人感到他們是不是很小心眼，但是，在朋友聚會等場合上，他們又絕對是豪爽大方，主動搶著付賬的人。所以其實巨蟹是個公私概念很明確的人，他們對該 得的絕對毫不客氣，而對待朋友，他們又覺得其實這點錢根本不算什麼。他們是眷戀朋友和家人的，他們基本都有些喜歡酒。而且酒量都還不錯，因為他們眷戀那種 賓客相盡歡的氣氛，更眷戀著家的和樂融洽之感。所以巨蟹們喜歡做飯，即使不會做飯也對美食有天然偏愛，他們懂得享受居家生活，所以巨蟹們有個理想婚姻是最 快樂的事情。問題是巨蟹們卻常常選擇晚婚或不結婚，因為他們多疑又害怕，他們總是對新幻境充滿懷疑，對新的家庭又嚮往又拒絕，在自我矛盾中，不斷蹉跎了年 華。　　自己為自己創造安定感覺巨蟹們總是不安，這是一種不好的感覺，因為如此，許多巨蟹枉然蹉跎，終日鬱鬱。其實，巨蟹們可以嘗試自己為自己創造安定的 感覺。找一個家裡人都喜歡的對象，建立一個自己的家，也許巨蟹會發現自己會變得安穩很多。找個摩羯是比較理想的選擇。或者找一個自己的愛好，傾注所有的心 血，自己也會變得安定很多。當然蟹蟹們也許會說，你這是站著說話不腰疼啊，要是那麼容易的話，還用得著你說嗎？呵。但是，無論怎樣，當我們自己意識到自己 的不安，就該努力去克服他，其實殼外的世界，沒有那麼可怕，這是真的。　　總的說來，巨蟹們很可愛，尤其是在藝術上有成就的那些人，他們創造的都是令人仰 止的豐碑，所以巨蟹們不必沒來由自卑，其實你們都很出色。

First day back to Kampar 回金宝的第一天 (dual language)

今天我又回来了，金宝~
Kampar， I've returned!

新的学期开始了，我带着兵士出征的心情前往金宝。
As the new semester starts, i adapted the mood of soldiers going for war to Kampar...
何谓兵士出征的心情呢？
what does it mean?
顾名思义，就是兵士在出征打仗前的心情啰~
To be frank, it plainly means the feeling of soldiers before they went to the battlefield~
由于本身赘肉很多，多到。。。。不懂怎么形容。。。=.=
because of the fats on my body~
所以，我只带了铁马前行，
thats why i decide to take only bicycle there,
而且，为了让我的生活更像修行，我决意选三楼的宿舍。(ground floor, first floor, second floor, third floor 的三楼哦~)
and, to make my life "harsh", i chose my room to be on the third floor~
结果：我差点走断了脚。。。
Result: i nearly walked my leg into 2...

原因：今天下午，我下来楼下要办些手续，然后要去学校那时间表。当我进到宿舍办公室(ground floor)时，我发现我的钱包还在房间里！于是，我就上去拿了钱包，又下来处理那些手续。接下来，我又去了学校，拿了时间表，订了报纸，我又去一个离我宿舍1.8km的Tesco，买了晚餐。去Tesco的路途中必须经历一段斜坡，我去的时候还没什么，回来的时候可惨了！因为手上带了很多东西，满重的，结果斜坡上不了，要用推的。。。 那可真得累死我了。。。 回到宿舍楼下时，我差点没昏倒，三楼啊！为什么当初我要选择三楼？？ T.T 为什么当初我要选择脚车？ 后悔死了。。。

Reason: This afternoon, i was going downstairs to the administration Office of my hostel for some business, and then i thought i would go to school to get my timetable. But when i was in the office, i realized my wallet was in my room! and so i went upstairs to get my wallet, and then finishes my business in the hostel office, and went to school for the timetable.
After finishing everything in the campus, i went to Tesco, which is approximately 1.8km from my hostel. There's a slope in the journey, I didn't have much trouble when i was going, because it was a down slide. But when i came back with foods on my load, trouble came! I can't climb up the slope! And so i have to push my bike up the slope... the case goes worse when i reached under my hostel. I just stared at the stairs and almost passed out... third floor..... why did i pick third floor when i was applying for hostel room? why did i choose to have bike instead of motorcycle in the first place?? so regret.....

Sky's Memory Lane

Most of the people would say, Photo is the best way to keep certain memories afresh, so that the sweet moments would stay there for us to glance back.
But when i looked back to those pictures, it does not remind me of my sweet moments only, it makes me sad. Perhaps i'm not satisfied with my current life, i longed for the past.
i love it when i was in my elementary school. i had a "girl friend" there, grand daughter of the head master. it was great, i dont have to worry for anything. i went to school in the morning, singing along with the radio, imitating Aaron Kwok in the afternoon, watching Ultraman killing monsters every thursday. Most of all, my family is whole by then.
i love it too, when i was in my primary school. Although my father left us when i was in standard 3, it didn't really stops me from enjoying my childhood. My life starts mingling with music back then, when i decided to join the military band of SRJK(C) Chung Cheng. It was, my happiest time of my childhood. Not to mention that i was one of the elite students who got picked by the school for the PTS test, which, if passed, will have us go directly from standard 3 to standard 5. I didn't make it though, but it's okay, i earn some great friendship, for example, Lik Yin, Teck Kean, etc... Did you know that we once played "Ultraman Killing Monster" Game in class? We sort of bullied a kid in our class, having him to potray as every monster appeared in the series.. He's a Pantai Remis kid, with kinda-dirty appearance, pity him.... i still remembered there's once he had a ring around his eyes, and we lost counted who did it to him, since then we dropped the game... that boy came to school with his mother yelling her head off, it was 1 of the funny scenes i had.
Do you know when i started to know about Cyber Cafe? It was when i'm in standard 6. We went to play Counter Strike on an afternoon, skipping tuition, along with Tony, Chai Kang, and a few more friends. The feeling of breaking rules is thrilling.
When i was sent for secondary, i was a bit nervous at first, scared of losing friends, but luckily we all went into the same class. I applied for school prefect, having to think that it was so cool to be one, and i stayed as a prefect for the rest of my secondary years. Having asked "the" question, i answered: I wanted to serve the school, helping to maintain discipline of the student. What an answer! hahaha, i'm breaking rules under the guise as well, how on earth am i goin to do so? But i did contribute quite a lot to the school, helping to catch smokers in the school and such, it's just my own attitude's problem i wasn't promoted, so told the Discipline master to me. I learned a lot in my secondary years, about vocals from school's Choir team, about musics from school's Military Band, about relationships from my crushes, etc... i enjoyed my secondary years, even though i didn't thought i would. My sweetest memory when i was in secondary would probably be spending time with my crush-at the moment. ( XD )
Now i'm in college, i felt my friends are all gone, they would not stay beside me anymore, we didn't have class gathering anymore, even if they had, i would be too busy for it, because i had dedicated my time to the church. my college lads are only available when we're all in college. every time when i was in kampar, i felt so lonely, as if there's not shelter for me there. i felt so alone, until i've hooked up with my ex, last time. It was warm by then, having to fight for my future, for someone i love, someone who cares alot abt me, i felt so energetic. But, for that cause, i tend to demand alot from her, so in the end, we break up. it was hard to maintain, for peoples like me, cause i want alot from my couple, i want full attention, which would bring her a lot of pressure.
Actually i don't enjoy my college life, it was dull, and lonely.
i love my past more than i love my future.

The only thing i would love in my future is what can i do for my Lord. I want to build Him an Army of Praise, I'm working towards this direction now, and i believe, within His guidance, i will succeed in this mission. plz pray for me.

1 Malaysia

This is a short movie from our beloved local director, Yasmin Ahmad, who had just passed away.



http://15malaysia.com/films/chocolate/

When i first watched this video, i felt like, yeah... that's what our parents taught us to. Ever since i was a little kid, my parents and my relatives had been teaching us the old prejudice of the races in Malaysia. Something like we're the one doing all the hard work, and yet the government running by the malays (duh, the prime minister was, and still is, a malay. i've got questions why other races cant be a prime minister? but i guess i'm chicken, so i dare not ask in public.) demanded us to share our hard-earned profit with the lazy, doing-nothing malays. All these, for the young minds of the chinese children, and almost all chinese families taught the same thing to their youngsters! can you imagine that?

The story went through a malay girl who stopped by the chinese boy's grocery shop to buy batteries. It felt for me like, the young malay lady was innocent, but she was ill-treated by the furious chinese boy, she does not deserve that. I felt like, the young ones in this video is potraying us. Some of us, thanks to our parents and families, we hate malays, for some unsure reasons. We never bother to find out whether do they still act the same way as their grandpas' treating ours'. We never give them chance to prove that they've changed.

And all these while, the politician has done a bad job working out the new slogan they've picked for 2009's National day--One Malaysia. Earlier in year, Haven't we saw on newspaper that some politician claims that us the chinese are just immigrants? Those politicians came from where? From BN. Where, to be exact? UMNO. Why are we being treated like this? Also, recently, i've heard from my pastor, about the History TextBook for Form 4 students all around the nation being tampered with, and all the efforts the Chinese and Indians poured out for the nation has been miraculously disappeared from it.

Tunku Abdul Rahman, don't you ever forget, when u travel to London to apply for Nation's Independence, Tun Tan Cheng Lock is just beside you! MCA has always been there for BN, and now? you want the clear away MCA's effort in Nation's independence history? Who is the one playing with the racist issue?

Our nation is doing what the Japanese is doing currently. They tried to beautify their invasion during the Second World War by tampering their nation's history Textbook. They tried to cover their cruel massacre in Nanjing, China, by telling their children there's no such thing. Is that they way they show they've repented? Showed that they've felt sorry for what they've done to the world in the past? i don't think so... i think they're just trying to make themselves look nice in front of their future leaders... they're trying to cover all the cruel things they've done, in order to have a good impression for their children. For that motive, perhaps it's still acceptable, still it's a wrong way to do. But our nation? what's the motive of tampering our history? Does this shows that they (the malays) hates us more that we hate them? Does this means they wanna drive us off this country?

Enough with the "fault-check",
to be honest, i like the idea of Malaysia being united as 1, not 3, or more. I mean, I'm born in this country, not born in china, and migrated here.
If there's a statute to protect the bumiputras, I think i should be included. Why? I'm Born in here, not china. In my ID card, it says my nationality is Malaysian, not China.
If "Bumi" people enjoys special rights, I think so do I. I mean, whats the difference between us the local-born chinese and indians, compared with local-born malays? skin color? eye color? hair type? Even malays have fairer skin-tone, which looks like chinese. what's so different?
Personally i don't mind my national language is Malay, as long as I have the chance to learn my own mother tongue. About the national religion, is that neccesary? isn't it in our law that in this country we are free to choose any religion? should we force on a national religion? if a national religion is set, it means the whole nation's having the same religion, that's what i understand from books, perhaps i'm wrong... but if we enjoy the freedom of choosing our own religion, why in the world was the malays excluded in this law? Do they have the chance to choose? i guess not... they were born muslims, if i'm not mistaken. Is this one of their special "BUMI" protection? if that's so, i guess i don't want to have that protection anymore. XD

1 Malaysia, it's a far dream, very beautiful, and yet far to reach.
if one day, the nation is fair, justice, no more political games, then, i think, the dream's finally coming closer and closer.

技巧与生命

刚刚在教会里，谈到有关技巧与生命之间的问题，让我有些迷惑。
有位姐妹说，生命才重要。服事是透过生命来彰显。有好的生命才是最重要。

我不太认同。

生命很重要，我并不打算否认。
我也知道，明白生命的重要性。

但是，我觉得技巧也不能够被忽略。
我认为，技巧是神赐给我们的恩赐，
我们凭着恩赐去行神的工作。

我觉得，恩赐与生命都一样重要。
当然，生命略胜一筹。
因为，如果没有技巧，我们又如何能够做某些事呢？

比如说，一位弟兄，他的生命很好，
可他未必有敬拜的恩赐。
所谓敬拜的恩赐，是指带领敬拜的技巧。

又或则一位姐妹，
很有唱歌的恩赐，敬拜的恩赐，
可她未必有写歌的恩赐。

刚刚也说到，敬拜赞美里，
领唱的生命很重要。
领唱的技巧并不怎么样，
也能够让台下热烈起来。
一个人如果有生命，
就不会觉得某些敬拜赞美时段很烂，
气氛很冷。

这我也不太认同。
我觉得，我们是服事神没错，
但是如果你说我们没服事人，
那就有点错了。

圣经上说，我们若不爱身边的弟兄，
我们如何能说我们爱神？
我们连身边看得见的弟兄都没办法爱，
我们怎么爱我们看不见的神？

说真的，如果你说我们不服事人的话，
那我们也不必举行崇拜、布道会、圣诞晚会、双九节了。
那些难道都不是服事人吗？
我们只需每天呆在家里，
灵修祷告，唱诗敬拜就好啦，
何必出来参与服事呢？



我真的不太明白，请各位为我解答。谢谢。

A4J (17th June 09 )

在10th-12th June 2009, 我参加了一个震撼国度，震撼人心的营会--A4J (Awakening For Jesus)

这个营会我以前参加过（大概是在我14岁的时候，6年前），当时的营会也是一个震撼人心，令人热血沸腾的营会，和以往、以后（不包括这一次）我所参加过的营会完全不同。原因其实还蛮简单直接的，那就是我会听见神对我说话。虽然不是直接的，不过我还是可以感觉到。那种感觉有点难以形容，不过有时我会很真实地感觉到神的同在。我会对一些人说出我无法理解的话，然而那些话却能够帮助那些人。

我猜，这算是神迹吧？

这一次去，其实我是抱着去旅游的心态去的。去观摩他们的乐团、运作方式而取得。简单来说，就是我的心态不正确。

不过，无所谓，神照样触摸我。他依然祝福我，毅然来到我的身旁陪伴着我。当然，他也来责备我，为我以前所犯的罪责骂我，为我的不听话而责备我。为此，我献上感谢，神借此为我更新了我的心，我的生命，神啊，我感谢你，愿一切荣耀都归你。

To whom thirsts for God,
I sincerely invite you to join me for the Next A4J conference.
May peace be with you, dear brother(sister).
Shalom.

胡扯一通30th July 2009

感慨篇
今天我怎么登上了以以往的文章呢？
其实，我在最近找回了我以前的两本笔记。
这两本笔记里都记着一些我以前在中学时写下的文章。
两本都不只是我拥有而已，而是我把它和我喜欢的女生一起分享了。
两本，两个不同的女生。

政治篇
今天，我去了军港一趟。
送货去的，不然平民不可能有这机会去到这样的军事重地。
突然觉得，我们马来西亚的军力非常微弱。
海军只有一艘战斗潜水艇。
每艘战船都没有鱼雷。
只有大炮，机关枪。
应该有防空导弹吧？
军港各处摆着一些秀逗了的大炮，
能不能发射都成问题。。。

可能我们太幸福了吧？
从来没有遇过任何入侵，
所以都下意识地认为马来西亚是一片乐土？
没有天灾，没有战争，没有暴乱，没有恐怖分子？
可能咱的政府没听过“未雨先绸”这类的成语吧？

最近我们马来西亚登上了国际舞台。
为什么？
因为我们国家的政党纷争非常精彩！
因为我们国家的政治统领非常值得他们学习！（反面教材）
我从来没看过那么不顾颜面，
没有身份地抢夺议员位置的国家领袖！

你看看美国的领袖，
他们都自动的退下来。
你看看日本的领袖，
他们自愿地让位给人民所选的领袖。
（在我看来）

信仰篇
最近每天都有人死亡。
自从我从A4J复兴特会回来后，
我发现，现在，在全世界，
每一分，每一秒，
都有一个人类走向地狱，
走向天堂，走向死亡。
我认真迫切的感觉到，
末世的迫近。

从来没有那么清晰，
从来没有那么深刻。。。

原来我们比想象中更缺时间。。。
复兴已经降临在马来西亚了。。。
不过，我们必须渴慕神，
我们才能看见它。
我们必须渴慕神的降临，
渴慕神的同在，
我们才能感觉到它。

祷告篇
神啊，
我愿你行走在这地，
把复兴带到这地。
主啊，
愿你医治我们这生病了的土地，
赐给我们勇敢的心，
爱你的心，
献上自己的心来服侍你。
神啊，求你与我们同在，
在这末日的时代，
各式各样的诱惑和试探即将来危害我们，
但是若我们靠着你，
你必带领我们远离灾害。
神是我们的避难所，
是我们的力量。
神啊，我求你来带领我们，
引导我们，使我们不偏离你的道路。
我感谢你的奇妙作为，愿你的旨意行在我们当中，
愿你的国度降临。
我将此祷告，奉耶稣的圣名而求的，阿门。

大家好，我今年十岁！

06-Sep-2006

大家好，我今年十岁！
看看这标题，不可能吧？
大到像熊一样了，还只十岁？
开玩笑吗？少来了！

有时我很羡慕Peter Pan，
他那不老的神话，
不朽的天真，
令我非常的向往！

有时会自己一个人独自地想，
到底长大好不好？
听说长大后就能有老婆，
长大后就能有车子，
长大后就有钱，多好啊！
哈哈，幻想让我忘了现实的残酷。

原来，长大后要养妻儿，
长大后要供房供车，
长大后要做牛做马，要赚钱。。。。。。
试问，哪还有什么乐趣？
哪还有什么梦想？
还是金钱最实际！

唉，残酷的未来，我不敢面对，
只好叹道：“如果我是小孩。。。。。。
那该多好啊！”
所以，
大家好，我今年十岁。

tears of prinz

(dis is a reply, from me, to my sister's blog.)


nice~ hahaha~ i like dat life too.... haiz... but my family insists on certs... i wish i could get loose from it too.... i duwan to be so talented anymore.... talent is a burden for me.... i hate every talent i hav... everyone used to told me:" u're smart when u're small, how come u are so lazy, duwan to study?" i hate to be smart when i was small... i wish i was dumb... i wish i were stupid...

whenever they told my mom what a waste i didn't study hard for SPM, i felt like... why u guys wanna stab in some more? don't you noe it hurts? so wad if i didn't get any cert? izzit no cert means no life? izzit dat no cert means i'm not even qualified to be a man?

i dun like to go out with grown-ups... bcoz they always ask me, where did i study? wad subject i'm taking? wad level of education am i now? am i still studying? that's wad the adults love to ask. even pastor loves to ask. but i dun like to answer these question...i felt like they're laughing in my face...

i'm in a whirlpool of gloominess, did you know that?
except that i know wad God wants me to do for our church, wad should i bring back from A4J, i'm uncertain abt the rest...
i never tell anyone... not a single soul... bcoz everyone seems to have their own probs to manage, so i didn't add more from me onto their own problems... i wish i did tell someone abt it, but that person is bz worrying about someone else... who could i share dis with? jasmine? she got her own relationship affair... nancy? she's got lots to worry about without dis... yolenda? i dun even noe whether is she willing to listen... michelle? she's not that close to me yet... then who else?

from the beginning till now... what i want is just a listener, someone i could share my cries with... not an advisor... not someone to scold me to deaf...

it has been long since i last cried for something personal... something not related to God... even long since i last cried to a person...i remembered the last person to see me crying was my sister, for our communication and family affairs. that was in 2006. the last person to hear me crying was my ex... i was touched for her present, my last birthday's present. and that was in last year.

if i cried in front of you, that means i love you. i never cry b4 any friends of mine... just the loved ones....

Raphael

如果你在一个宁静的夜晚，
慢慢地闭上眼睛，
让你的心静静地漫游于你脑海里的思绪时，
你会遇见一位你很重视的人：
你现在最爱的人。

这人可能就是你的伴侣、
暗恋对象、配偶、
甚至是情夫/妇，

但是，
也有可能这个人是你的朋友，
一个你从不知道会爱上的人，
一个你认为不可能的人。

为什么这么判断？
因为他正排在你心里最前面的位置啊。

随着下来，
你将会看见一些最近发生的事情，
不是全部，
只是一些印象比较深刻地回忆。

比如说：
最近倒霉的事，
愤怒的事，
伤心的事，
开心的事，
幸福的事等。

但是，
总有一个角落是你永远也注意不到的。

那个角落里住着一个长有翅膀的人。
那个人能够在一分钟里傲游全世界。
那个人视世上各物如粪土。
那个人武功天下第一，隐藏的功夫更是绝世无双。

他是谁？

他的名字叫*拉法尔（Raphael）。

为什么他能在一分钟里就能够环绕全世界？
因为他无论在何处，只要你向他开口要求，
下一分钟他就出现在你面前。

为什么他视各物如粪土？
因为他会为了你放弃一切。

为什么他武功天下第一？
因为他很保护你。

为什么他隐藏的功夫绝世无双？
因为他。。。
被你忽略。。。

拉法尔是谁？
他的中文名字叫做“守护天使”。

无论你遇到什么问题，
他总是尽力帮你，
毫无怨言；

无论你遇到什么危险，
他总是第一时间赶到你身边，
保护着你；

无论你遇到什么伤害，
他总能安慰得了你。

他在哪里？

他其实就在你身边，
只是你看不见。。。

如果有一天你看见他了，
千万别让他给跑了。。。

他或许比你放在第一位的人更疼你。

“溏心风暴”-- 我家版

一直以来，
我都以为家是一个可以给我们安慰，庇护，爱的地方。
我一直都期盼着。
不过，
我错了。

我的大家庭表面上风平浪静，
实则暗藏危机。

我的大舅密谋吞食我外公留下的一切！

他已经成功吞噬了几乎一切，
现在，
连最后剩下的祖屋，
原本属于我小舅舅的祖屋，
他也要一并吞吃！
并且为了达到目的，
他不惜一切代价，不折手段！

他的虚伪真让我感到心寒！
在他眼里，根本就没有什么兄弟情，
只有钱！

他怎么忍心谋害原本属于他兄弟的财产？
他怎么忍心破坏兄弟之间的和睦？
他怎么忍心？

他怎么那么不要脸？

我真的不明白。。。
做人若做到像他那样，我宁愿自杀算了。。。
无情无义，厚颜无耻的衣冠禽兽！

Gloomy July

今年的七月，很不开心的生日月。
有一点觉得自己很废，把人放在心里，
但他们却记不起你的生日到底是哪一天。。。
有点无奈。。。


今年的生日，不是一个开心的记忆。
因为精神上我是一个人度过的。
孤独的生日。

幸好，有一位名叫耶稣的男生，
陪着我、叫我不要灰心失望，
叫我不要期待那么多。

有点怀念，
有个女孩在我身边，
关心我，陪我说话的那段时间。
我错过了，我把手放开了。
那女孩也走了。
原因：我捏得太紧了。

去年的生日，
她陪我度过，
虽然去年我只收到一个礼物，
我很快乐。。。

今年的生日，
我的属灵父亲（Jason）陪我度过，
我的朋友陪我度过，
而且我收到两个礼物，
但是我感到很寂寞，
很孤独。。。

有谁能帮我一个忙，
帮我到我心外面看一看，
看看它是否还完整？
看看它是否结了霜？

对不起

07/04/2009


对不起，我不再爱你了
我不会傻乎乎的强忍睡意
只为等你回一句“晚安”甚至无语

对不起，我不再爱你了
我不会再见到你闪亮的MSN头像
而纠结自己是不是能主动说一句 hello

对不起，我不再爱你了
我不会看着通讯录里你的名字
而不停挣扎是否可以给你传送一条祝福的信息

对不起，我不再爱你了
我不会再因为你跟谁走在一起
而肆意揣测，
折磨自己的身心

对不起，我不再爱你了
我不会再因为你而去关注
那本就不属于我的信息

对不起，我不再爱你了
我不会再去强调你的好
你的坏

对不起，我不再爱你了
我不会再因为收到你的信息
而放下身边所有的事情
只为了能第一时间回复你

对不起，我不再爱你了
所以，我关闭了你MSN上显示的信息提醒
不会去思考是否要主动言语

对不起，我不再爱你了
所以，我会在节日里送达祝福的信息给你
却不再在乎你是否回复同样的祝福

对不起，我不再爱你了
所以，你在谁的身边停留或者消失
都已经与我无关
我不去在乎 视而不见

对不起，我不再爱你了
已没有了期待与逃避的心理

对不起，我不再爱你了
所以，当我在提起你
没有了澎湃的爱意或落寞的情绪
交织的不再是情感
而仅止于回忆

对不起，我不再爱你了
所以，我把你当作朋友
关心 照顾 在乎
都无关乎爱情

对不起，我不再爱你了
所以，我只想
只会
只愿
在乎自己

对不起，我不再爱你了
所以，我希望你幸福
祝你幸福
开心
快乐
只因为
我已经不再爱你了...

copied from website~ feels like i wanna say things like dis too...

悄悄地，我走了

18/03/2009

悄悄地，我走了，正如我悄悄地来。我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。
徐志摩《再别康桥》

你若觉得很痛得话，就忘了我吧。。。

别把我放在心上。。。

你上次说，我早在你的生活里了，我相信。

这次，我要走了，你要好好照顾自己，你心里的主角也是时候换人了。。。

我会是很尽责的路人，不打扰不属于我的镜头。

我送给你的东西，请你收着好吗？

就当作一段回忆所留下的残局，还有我们的一切，别扔了。。。好吗？

我本来想把有关于你的一切都还回给你的，我只想保留你送我的生日礼物，还有那个红心。。。

后来想想，觉得自己做得有点绝，所以不要了。。。

这才是我想见你的原因。。。

除此以外，我也想再得到你的拥抱、你的吻别。。。

我是很贪心的人，你知道的啊。。。

算了吧，还是不见的好。。。

我发现自己还是放不下，不管我多么心疼、多么灰心，我的心还是在你那。。。

昨晚我又喝酒、飙车了。。。

对不起，明明答应过你不再这样的。。。

你要幸福~

就当作我给你的最后礼物，我会为你祷告的，你要幸福~有一种爱，叫做放手。。。

碧云天，黄叶地。秋色连波，波上寒 烟翠。山映斜阳天接水。芳草无情，更在斜阳外。 黯乡魂，追旅思。夜夜除非，好梦留人睡。 明月楼高休独倚，酒入愁肠，化作相思泪。
范仲淹. 【苏幕遮】
from: http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/62734940.html?fr=qrl&fr2=query